Rants

Warning: this is a RANT.


Nothing hurts more than losing a friend. Especially when it's your fault. Adding insult to injury, there's nothing MORE you can do to set things right. You've tried your best, consulted friends, stopped yourself from feeling anything more; as requested. You've passed the ball of goodwill and friendship oh-so-many-instances to the other team. And you don't get it back. Maybe just a whistle if any. Sad.

In my 23 years of being in this earth, i've come to realize that getting over something is easier now than it was back then. Why? because of the countless times i've received the reply: "No, Sorry, Not interested", it doesn't sting as much. The shell just hardens every time. I realize that i'm on the path of the dark side, getting colder and colder each instance.

In my opinion, all problems can be solved by communication. It only takes humility, willingness to compromise yet stern to one's point. The problem with ME is; i'm not very good at being able to tell WHEN to stop something, to the point of being a pest. The problem with other people is, they DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING. That's a problem in the process right there. If one side never talks and just acts, the other is left to wonder and assume. I've experienced this before, with my block back in college. Before i knew it, everyone hated me. And for such Immature and selfish reasons, mostly. And it got to me. It got me down. I hate that feeling. I kept feeling sorry and hating myself. But i've learned to accept that its also

NOT ENTIRELY MY FAULT.

Its not my fault i want to score high with my grades.
its not my fault i want to pursue a higher quality of education.
its not my fault the others were looking bad because i was doing good.
its not my fault my older brother was having a hard time because i was setting the standard and graduating way ahead of him.
its not my fault i didn't stop texting her and trying to chat her up most of the time. she NEVER told me to stop; she never said anything. I'm the kinda guy who takes no for an answer. but there was no answer. why? because there was no clear intention. true. but ASKING would've been the logical thing to do. it's not rude, it's not presumptuous, it's what it is. harmless curiosity.

better than launching a nuclear strike cold-war-style.

my point? TALKING HELPS. A LOT.

and i have to stop blaming myself all the time. I'm a better person compared to who i was before;yes, i have my faults in the situation. But i am not the ONLY one at fault. i only do what i think and feel is right.

I'm one for honest-to-goodness conversations, and it's a general outlook that the TRUTH hurts. It always has. But that shouldn't stop us from being truthful. Being frank about something is WAY BETTER than the veil of pretense.

by the way...friends are people who can talk to each other casually-people who don't are considered merely acquaintances..

I'm sure it will take TIME for the wounds to heal; on both sides. One can only hope that after all the fiasco; true friendship will prevail.

The Tien-o-Meter gives this a -7 out of 10